


don't let go

by younoknowme93



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coma, Ficlet, M/M, PostWar, harry/snape if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 05:26:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13241385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/younoknowme93/pseuds/younoknowme93
Summary: short musing as harry potter holds his professor's hand after the war





	don't let go

**Author's Note:**

> Happy holidays everyone. I'm sorry i have not been on. I'll be honest. It could be much longer before I post anything else. I know this is short, but I needed to write something for my own mental health. My step mom passed away the day after christmas. Christmas Eve she was admitted to the hospital and she never came home. She had been fighting cancer and well... I'm not trying to be a bummer, I'm mostly mentioning this because I am naturally not in the best frame of mind. I wrote this mostly thinking about her. I hope all of you had a safe holiday season. I love all of you. Onward my ducklings.

Just hold my hand a little longer.  I know that you cannot hear me.  Or maybe you actually can.  Please do not fade away because I need you.  I just didn’t realize it until now.  Why didn’t you tell me that one day I could be holding your hand and crying?  Why didn’t you tell me that there was a chance you could die?  Or that I would care.  I’m waiting for a sign.  A blink.  Finger twitch.  Exhale.  Anything to give me hope. 

Why did you have to convince the world that you were a bad man.  You never were, were you?  You were only ever a fragile neglected child.  No one would listen to your pleas of help.  But I’m here now.  Hoping you will not die even though hours before I was hoping for just that.  Why didn’t you just let me in on your secret? 

Or was it just easier to be hated.  That was something you were intimately familiar with.  But being loved was something foreign to you.  It’s okay.  It’s foreign to me as well.  For all the world that loves my existence, there is no one that loves me.  It took me far to long to see my own worth.  It’s fair for me to be by your side now. 

You do not have to be strong anymore, but still.  Please do not let go.  Now that I know the man you really are.  Do not let go.  You saved all of us.  Do not let go.  Let me as least thank you.  DO NOT LET GO.  I need you here.  Do not let go.  Do not let go.  Do not let go.  Do not let go.  You deserve to at least retain your life. 

There is no need to give in so quickly.  You were always in the shadows guarding me.  Let me be in your corner.  Let me be a shoulder to lean on.  Squeeze my hand. 

“Harry.  Please feel free to take one of the beds.  I will let you know if there is any change.”

“If it’s all the same, I would prefer staying here.”  The mediwitch smiles softly at me. 

“Sure dearie.  Make yourself comfortable.”  You’ve been unconscious for three days.  Everyone is thinking you will not wake up.   You’ve put yourself in a coma to protect yourself against Nagini’s venom.  Your bedside has been surprisingly empty.  Even after I stood on your behalf at trial and presented your memories, even after you were proclaimed innocent… you have had no visitors.  But I have not left your side.  Nor will I.  Madam Pomphrey has taken good care of you.  She knew from the beginning.  She was the only one you had ever relied on.  I’m glad there was at least someone you trusted. 

You can trust me. 

Just do not let go.  I’ll wait for as long as I need.  Just do not let go. 

There is so much that I still do not know about you.  There is so much that I still want to know.  Please.  Just hold on.  Just open your eyes.  Give me some hope.

Hermione and Ron are together.  They don’t need me as a third wheel.  I’m happy for them.  They do not understand my desire to not leave your side.  I don’t think I can tell them either. 

I owe you so much.  So much more than even I know.  But it’s not just that. 

Secretly.  I’ve always wanted to impress you.  Of course, I have never done such.  But I have always wanted to be someone that you believed in.  I think it’s because you were the only one that saw me… as me.  I was Harry Potter one of your brainless students, not Harry Potter the boy who lived.  I was no different than anyone else.  So I wanted to be different.  I wanted to stand out in your life as not just another student.  I wanted to be special.  I think I had a school boy crush on you.  Silly right. 

I just can’t seem to let go of your hand.  I think if I let go, you will.  And I’m not ready for you to let go yet.

So please don’t let go.  I need you to open up your dark eyes so that you can glare at me.  I need you to say something bitter or angry.  I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me that I was something special to you.  Please.

Your finger twitches suddenly but deliberately and that’s enough for me.  I will not be selfish.  I’m happy to have your finger twitching in my palm.  Maybe I’m being overly confident, but this is good enough.  Anything is good enough.  Just don’t let go.


End file.
